Broken Promise
by ever4
Summary: One-shot. Edward's gone, Bella's depressed. A look at the short few minutes leading up to a suicide, from Bella's POV. Warnings: cutting, drugs, & character death. Pretty OOC, but tell me what you think!


**A sad little one-shot, maybe; you've been warned. Sorry it's a little OOC and depressing, I was in a bad mood writing it! **

**please R&R my lovelies :)**

I took a deep breath as the feeling engulfed me, welcoming the sharp sting for once in my life. It was dark out, well past midnight, and I knew Charlie would be sleeping soundly in his room. Which meant I could have my fix.

Slowly, with earth shattering hesitation, I climbed out from under the hot covers and slipped into a dark blue robe. _He would have loved this_, that terrible voice in my head spat, and I grinned in the dark. Watch me be human _now__, Edward._

My footsteps barely made a sound, months of practice to thank for that. Ever since _he'd_ left I'd become a mouse. Because the less those around me knew, the better off they were. I pitter-pattered across the hall; pausing to twist the gold handle as I entered the small, cool room. I flicked on the light, blinking a few times as I allowed my eyes to adjust. The crushing weight of the sadness he'd left behind was beginning to become overwhelming, and I longed for the relief that was soon to come. I closed the bathroom door, making sure to keep quiet, and in the same breath reached for the bottle of pills I kept hidden in an old Advil™ container.

I swallowed three without water, gagging a little bit as they went down. _Perfect._ My breathing was becoming shaking, and I cursed the golden-haired boy who made it so. Shakily I searched for Charlie's razor- I'd still been too afraid to buy my own. I pulled up the left sleeve of the robe, ignoring all of my previous masterpieces that lined my skin, and held it up to a rare clean space directly center the crease at my elbow. I felt terrible about it, but it was the only thing I was good at. I dug it through the scarred flesh..

And relished in the feeling it brought. _Hope._ I knew that was sick of me on some level, but I didn't care; I was sick. I knew that, I didn't fight it. So it was fine of me to do this, good of me to embrace my illness. Noble of me to sacrifice myself.

I fished for my iPod in the robe pocket and turned it onto a random song in an attempt to drown out the tearing sound the razor made against my pale flesh. _Good_. Hey Jude blasted in my eardrums, and I rolled my eyes unconsciously at the word choice. _"Let it out and let it in"_…oh, I would do just that.

Boys were stupid. Boys only hurt you. I felt no sympathy for Jude; he would only leave her in the end… would only ditch her in the middle of some godforsaken town where it always rained and everybody sucked. _Good job, Ed-Jude _I gasped at myself as that passed my thoughts, I didn't mean any of it. I was just some stupid human, cold and broken. If I'd been him, I would leave me too_. Cut, Bella. _I did.

I kept up with this pattern for a few more minutes, trying to lose the voices that seemed to be shouting in my head, craving some form of sanity from a crazy mind.

Once I was done, I wrapped my arm in a few layers of toilet tissue and looked in the mirror. Shallow brown eyes, twisting scars all across albino colored skin, a gaunt look overtaking her whole body. _Ugly_.

Suddenly I had an impulse to vomit, the pills finally taking effect. Or at least I told myself it was the pills. I let out everything I hated about me in the toilet, praying for dear life that Charlie wouldn't wake up as I puked. The world seemed to sway beneath me, and I gripped the counters edge for support when I finished. _Whatever._

Lazily I cleaned up my mess, a satisfied smirk crossing my face as I saw that the cuts still had not stopped bleeding. _Hah_, I thought to no one in particular. Like anyone would care_. _

I made my way back to the pathetic excuse I had for a room, paper strewn about along the floor, a broken window I still hadn't told Charlie about in the corner- I'd have to explain the bloodstains on it if I did, and I wasn't quite ready to do that. As if it mattered. _Nope._

I sat down on the bed, facing the window, and I knew how I looked. Empty.

Well, good- because I was. Entirely, inevitably, forever…empty. I grabbed the laptop from the corner; a present from Charlie supposed to cheer me up. Too bad he had no idea what I actually used it for. With trembling hands I turned the computer on, feeling a wave of dizziness sweep over me again. Cool. I invited the dizziness, dreamed of it- it was the only escape I had from this twisted world where _Edward_ wasn't around, didn't exist.

It still wasn't fast to load, a fact I complained about whenever I could sense Charlie becoming worried regarding my silence- at least it was something to talk about. I pulled up Word™, dripping blood across the comforter as I rolled my sleeves back up, the toilet tissue going with them. My heart was beating erratically, every little noise from the outside world making me jump. I gazed at that damned window for longer than I would like to admit, a feeling like no other coursing its way throughout my body. I moved on to staring at nothing, not wanting to acknowledge myself as existing. And then, with little hesitation, I wrote the words that had been clawing at me for the last 24 hours.

**Edward,**

**I hate myself for losing you.**

I had nothing else to say to him, so I didn't. I simply closed the laptop, walked over to the window, and punched out the rest of the glass with my fists. I knew Charlie was about to run in here, surely he had heard the noise, and for a split second I felt guilty. But then that feeling was replaced with one of determination. There was no turning back now. _Say you're sorry, Bella_.

"Sorry," I muttered to no one, crouching into the frame.

For the first time in all of these toxic months, I started to become content, because I knew what I was about to do. I heard footsteps rushing down the hall, and knew it was now or never. _Well, Edward, you taught me yourself that forever is an empty promise_.

With a quick look at the ground, I jumped.


End file.
